The Road is always never flat

Injury is hard, I avoid coming to the bloggersphere as I am a positive person who has always been a strong believer in not generating negativity.  I don't want to be that Negative Nancy who cries out poor me when there are bigger issues in the world.

It has been 3 months & 3 days since I injured my knee.my last blog post I shouted out my commitment that

I WILL FOCUS on what I CAN DO & NOT what I CAN'T.

Well alot can happen between posts even if it has been a week.

This past week my head was in the zone I started the program I couldn't lift my arms or drive without being in pain from holding the steering wheel.

Monday my program had been gone over by my Physio he was allowing some of the leg work to be introduced this week WooP and then BAM!  Tuesday afternoon I'm getting into my car after a client visit and it felt like a knife went into my knee cap.  Accelerating, Stab!,  Braking Stab! to be honest Monday I knew something was going on as every step I could feel my knee joints grating and this was a new sensation.  I can't even stand now without being in pain.  I can't even stand long enough to do an arms workout.  I just want to scream!  I've done all the right things to try and work around my injury, I follow all my rehab exercises and I keep getting the big FU from the universe.  Honestly there's only so much more I can take.

It stresses me out that I am starting a new job in less than 3 weeks, one where I will not have the security blanket of having 6 weeks of sick leave accrued.  I've been off work since yesterday as my physio recommended no driving and rest to settle it down quickly.  It frustrates me that I sit here spilling this out when this is a First World Problem "BooHoo Dayna can't exercise"  There are greater issues in the world people are dying every second from injustices greater than what I can imagine in my world.  

Yesterday I wanted to eat & it's funny because I have always declared I'm not an emotional eater.  But there's not much one can do with a clean cupboard may this be a lesson to everyone about keeping nothing in your pantry.  When one is not suppose to drive it doesn't leave much options so what did I do I drank coffee OMG so much coffee.  I had at least 6 yesterday and I drink double shot espressos.  So we are talking 12 calories but probably so much more to my liver & kidneys as they process all that caffeine.

I woke up this morning with wanting to graph my weight loss journey.  So I have gone back and grabbed every figure from every weigh in and below is the result.
It's been a road with a few small bumps but I need to be on the downhill slope again and the only way I can achieve this is Nutrition.  I can't control my body anymore, I can only workout when capable and I can't keep beating myself up about it. It's going to be a slow journey but this is a marathon not a 100m sprint.

Nutrition means more than making sure I eat healthily & within my calories, which I already do today.  It's about finding the balance of the correct healthy foods.  For months I have gone back to convenient snacks within my calorie allowance.  Trail Bars, Special K bars, Sesame Snaps, Healtheries Rice Wheels if anything these are healthier versions of empty calories.  I need to start planning my snacks, I need to start using my Tupperware & ice-blocks to take Greek yoghurt & cottage cheese on the road with me, there is no protein or fibre in my choices anymore.  Nuts have become non existent.  I have to stop kidding myself that I can control my calories when I buy my lunch.  Yes Sumo Salad has calorie guidelines but what if the salad maker at the time is heavy handed?  All breads are not created equal and every time I order a sandwich/ wrap rye or grain I don't know how calorie laden that bread is or if its the type of bread that is going to melt on my tongue.
I took the Dose of Tough Love from Michelle Bridges today and I am going to stop kidding myself that my Nutrition is great it could be a lot better.  I can no longer buy my lunch and choose the best calorie option for it in MyFitnessPal it's time to get organised and start preparing my food every night before bed.

For the rest of Round 2 every day I eat a home prepared lunch I will give myself $5 for every day I don't I will take away $5 from the balance I have accumulated.  If all goes to plan I should have around $200 to spend on myself.   Hello Lorna Jane ;)

If you're still reading it's been a great therapy session for me I've written my way into a solution and now to implement, a goal without a plan is just a wish and it's time for me to write up a snack & lunch list for the road.