F*ck Injury!!!

I'm mentally struggling this week...  

I know I keep telling myself focus on what you can but this week has been tough.  Monday I felt the strongest in months I got through 45 minute (22.5 kilometer ) cycle, 5 minute wall sit & 3 x 12 reps of 91kg on the leg press.  I walked into my Physio Tuesday morning head high thinking WooP going to progress in my rehab exercises, maybe even get clearance to take the road bike for a spin. So before progressing he asked me to do a single leg squat so he can assess my knee strength I was upfront when I put my weight on the one leg and said I don't have the strength for this, but my concerns were ignored as he thought it was me being over protective.

First single leg squat: Crunch Crunch

Second single leg squat: Stab, Twist, blade out, knee folds in.

'Ok  try a normal squat for me now', couldn't weight bear ok let me massage it.
Massage did not help I was in constant ache, no workouts, no progressing until Thursday when I traveled to Heidelberg to get my Aunt to assess it.  Prognosis I had twisted my hamstring to the point where she said if I had done anything strenuous between Tuesday to then I most likely would of snapped my Hamstring.  I don't want to say how many profanities sprayed from my mouth during that treatment but though are the additional blows of having a knee injury.

Friday I rested my leg, today still feeling sore still hit my SSS to feel completely powerless & tragic.   I thank Greg for designing a workout for me today so I can train beside my warriors but it makes me feel like shit! I can't do anything and I feel like people look at me and think she walks OK, there's nothing wrong with her, she's just being lazy.  I know this probably isn't the case but it's how I feel.  I got on the spin bike after my upper body weights when the others started boxing and all I could handle pain-wise was 16 minutes which is a long way from the 45 minutes I achieved  on Monday.  It seriously feels like each step forward I take 2 steps backward follows.  Since this morning all I've had is this pressurized pain through my knee cap and it's shit because I wanted to go to Werribee and door knock local business's for donations today but I end up sitting on the couch with my leg elevated.  My house is not as clean as I want it to be as I can't vacuum or mop the floor because of how you use your body to pivot doing these tasks & I love that my G does this for me but it's not at Dayna standard if I were to do it.  It's at boy standards...

And I know you have my best interest and welfare at heart Mr G but I can't have anymore conversations that I'm pushing myself too hard and that I need to take things slower.  I literally feel like I'm travelling 100 metres an hour at the moment.  I train to my thresholds and recommendations of my Physio & Joy I already feel worthless, lazy, incompetent without taking it down a notch.  It's not my stubbornness or not wanting to listen to you it's about my self worth.

So add to this that weigh in this week farewell another 500g I was hoping for at least 1kg.   Doesn't matter because it came straight back again the next day and being a serial weigher today saw me gain another 500g.  Today's gain completely my fault I was a little frugal with my water yesterday only consuming around 1 litre and this is how my body generally reacts to not receiving adequate hydration. But Thursday's gain I have no hypothesis it was completely unexpected I was thinking it's going to be the usual Thursday where I say 'Damn why did you numbers not appear yesterday' like every other week but it went the complete opposite way. Meh!

So generally feeling down & out tonight, I hate putting these posts out there it's why I walked away from the blog last round.  I don't weigh my lowest weight ever tonight but I've never felt as fat as I do today even at my heaviest weight 37.5kgs ago. I don't get why now my self worth now depends on what I can and can't do?

Peace out!